Kris Jenner has filed for divorce from Chris Jenner. He is now free to become the woman we all know he wants to be. In other Kardashian news, Kim was nearly mauled by an overzealous fan/reporter who was trying to take Kim down to the ground with him, and failed miserably, damn it HE WAS NOT SUCCESSFUL!The reporter, who has had whacky run-ins with celebrities as of yet, and even has been banned from coming to the United States stated that he was just trying to get Kim’s attention and was not trying to harm her. *SIDE EYE* (He could have tried harder).
4.Runaway from the television…
Not even a million people tuned into the watch last Saturday’s ON THE RUN TOUR Featuring Queen B and Jigga.Many are assuming that it was because of their over saturation of the media and the fact that they have been on tour FOREVER and that everyone that is anyone has seen this damn show whether it be in clips, online video or the actual concert itself.It was entertaining for the most part for the 800,000 or so viewers that tuned in. But many of the viewers at home rather had watched THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE, reruns of BIG BANG THEORY and 48 HOURS all which beat the concert in demos. Maybe the Carters need to go sat down, in the infamous words of Madea, and let us have a break from the fabulousness of Beyonce and the swag of Jay-Z.
3. Madea is Pregant…
Well Tyler Perry is claiming that he’s having a baby with his Ethopian model on and off again girlfriend. Perry, who turned 45 recently and had a huge birthday blow out at his mansion with Stevie Wonder, LeAnne Rhimes and many others, surprised the crowd with news that he was expecting a baby soon. Now I’m no expert at biology, and I sure as hell haven’t seen a vagina in quite some time, but doesn’t it take a man and a woman to have sex to have a baby? No t- no shade, just asking.
2. Break up, to break up…
Break ups are running rampant in the celebrity world. Wiz Kalifa and Amber Rose are calling it quit, amidst rumors that HE was cheating on her .Child, this should be a very big scandal as she is asking for a million dollars, spousal support and full custody of Baby Bash. And on top of that, she’s being accused of boning Nick Cannon. Child, could you imagine the twins and Bash playing together as one happy family?And on the horizon Keisha Cole and Birdman (they are together) might be on the rocks after Keisha decided to go all Mortal Kombat on the girl who he was allegedly cheating with, and was arrested for assault. Child!
1. When all else fails, QUIT!!!!
An Alaska news anchor threw up the deuces and literally said “FUCK IT I QUIT” live on the air to go work for the marijuana industry that is growing and in protest of said industry. In other news Kennan Thompson, who grew up before our eyes on ALL THAT, is quitting his current post as one of the few African-Americans on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. And in Sports news Derek Jeter has quit baseball, well retired, after 19 years. And in FIRING news, Rosci Diaz who was on 106 and Park and hired by Entertainment Tonight, has been let go amid what they are calling a production change at the show. Hmm, more of those developments to come.
Will Fitz and Olivia ever get together? Can Caroline and Max ever make enough money to leave their waitressing job? Will Jess and Nick ever be truly happy? These and many other questions were posed at the end of the last television season and like a crack head waiting for a hit, I’ve been patiently waiting, three whole months, to finally see how my favorite shows will unfold. There are a lot of returning favorites but with all the newbies and second coming’s, ha, these shows are vying for our eyeballs. Well below, THIS is your personal DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO THIS YEAR’S 2014 TELEVISION SEASON.
Remember this is what I think you should be watching each night, and just my opinion based upon my viewing habits, but I must warn you, I’m rarely wrong.
Without further ado…Here it is… Let’s start the week right!
SLEEPY HOLLOW (FOX 9/22/14)
An American supernatural police drama-horror story based off of the American folktale of the Legends of Sleepy Hollow.
WHY WATCH: It’s the past resurrected into the future and with the forces of evil sought out by the headless horsemen, Ichabod Crane partners with NYPD to bust the mysterious one who called upon the evil dead.
MOM (CBS | 9/29/14):
Christy and her mom Bonnie try their best to remain sober and deal with their everyday insufferable lives, including Christy’s recently pregnant daughter, her ex husband, and the discovery of her long-lost dad.
WHY WATCH: This show is from the creator of Roseanne and it has the same ascorbic wit and down to earth appeal.
GOTHAM (FOX | 9/22/14):
This new retelling of the BATMAN folklore finds Commissioner Gordon, well Detective Gordon at the center of this tale. He discovers the recently orphaned Bruce Wayne and makes himself his pseudo guardian. He also takes on the role controlling the minions of Gotham City.
WHY WATCH: In this new gritty serial/procedural promises to be face-paced, action-filled and chalked filled with my favorite Batman villains and characters. It’s also starring Jada Pickett-Smith. This should be amazing.
STATE OF AFFAIRS (NBC | 11/22/14):
Katherine Hiegel returns to television as a CIA liaison to Alfre Woodard’s president in the White House.Things in her life go from bad to worse when her fiancé, who just so happens to be the president’s son, is killed during a “random” attack. What she later finds out is that the attack wasn’t so random and the people behind it, she wants to go after mercilessly for revenge for killing him.
WHY WATCH: Though I’m not a big fan of Heigl, it’s great to see another show in Washington D.C. and this one seems like a nice mix of Scandal and Clear and Present Danger. The weekly story will be promising, but the long story of who killed her fiancé and its affects will have me on the edge of my seat.
Love & Hip-Hop Hollywood [LHHH] (VH1 | 9/15/14)
The new location cast of this seasons Love and Hip Hop cast is young and full of crazy new adventures. Featuring different celebrities and situationships with the likes of Ray-J, Omarion, Lil Fizz, Tierra Marie, Soulja Boy and so much more.
WHY WATCH: The level of “ratch” has been kicked up to a whole new level plus it’s based out in Los Angeles, so it’s very likely you’ll see your favorite restaurant or bar. There’s really no good reason to watch this foolery except for accepting it as just that. lol.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC | 9.24.14):
based on the Marvel Comics organization S.H.I.E.L.D. (Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division), a fictional peacekeeping and spy agency in a world populated with superheroes and numerous supernatural phenomena. Think: Star Wars in the City.
WHY WATCH: After a slow first season, this time around the plot thickens since now the characters don’t have to explain themselves and provide a backstory the show can literally, go on. Plus it’s interesting to see the affects Marvel’s greatest superheroes have on the normal people around them whether it makes them want to be super or not.
MINDY PROJECT (FOX | 9/16/14):
Awkward and serial in love doctor Mindy returns for another season of trying to find Mr. Right, deal with her friends who are always in some situation or another, and trying to figure out where her next love will come from.
WHY WATCH: It’s fun and it doesn’t require much brain capacity. It’s a simple escape and always a joy.
FOREVER (ABC 9/23/14)
An American drama series about Dr. Henry Morgan, a seemingly immortal medical examiner who works in the heart of New York City.
WHY WATCH: Dr. Morgan is a 200 year old now medical examiner who is busting murders and trying to simultaneously understand his “curse”. Every time he dies he wakes up a few hours before he died naked in a body of water with more and more flash backs. Are they hints to his fate or are they signs of what lies ahead?
THE MIDDLE (ABC | 9/24/14):
The Heck Family returns for another year with manic mom Frankie, flat father Mike, Dimwitted brother Axel, socially awkward daughter Sue and younger odd ball of a brother Brick, trying to figure out life one day at a time.
WHY WATCH: Everybody Loves Raymond mainstay Patricia Heaton is brilliant as frantic mother Frankie. She’s always the glue for wacky family and she tries her best to make them appear normal, which never works. Also it’s always fun to see what only daughter Sue will try and fail at next.
BLACK-ISH (ABC| 9/24/14):
Anthony Anderson portrays a black father who one day realizes that his black kids aren’t aware of their racial makeup. He goes on a journey to teach them what it is to be black and how exactly they are to function as black people in that society.
WHY WATCH:Anthony Anderson and Lawrence Fishburn Executive Produce this show that is supposed to deal with racial issues in a funny way. What better way to take the “medicine” of racial identity and understanding, than to lace it with the “sugar” of comedy.
RED BAND SOCIETY (FOX | 9/17/14):
Think GLEE without the singing and taking place in a hospital for terminally ill children. The hierarchy and angst of teen life can be seen through the eyes of these kids that face not just boy and girl and self-identity issues, but have to deal the mortality as well. They do it with wit, sass and a keenness that doesn’t really remind you that they are in a hospital to begin with. The red band in the title is a reference to the bands they must wear as patients on the floor.
WHY WATCH: OCTAVIA FUCKING SPENCER….The academy award winner is a nurse from hell that not only keep the kids in line, but is a mother figure for them as well. You can’t beat this great actress with any role that she takes. And it’s always great to see a new look at teen life from a different prospective.
HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER (ABC | 9/25/14):
Starring Academy Award winning Viola Davis and a host of newbies, the show takes place on a major college campus. Viola plays Annalise Keating, college professor/lawyer by day and secret keeper by night. This is what I believe to be a nice match up of LEGALLY BLONDE and SCANDAL and promises to be an edge of your seat thriller.
WHY WATCH: SHONDA FUCKING RHIMES. She’s the newest master to grace our presence in a very long time. We should all hang on her beautifully crafted dialogue and bow to the greatness of this storytelling genius. Like Kelly, Botchco, and Hitchcock before her, she’s taken the television audience by their balls and haven’t let go. She’s masterful and she creates real characters that are not only strong, capable, but always culturally, sexually, and gender diverse.
THE MILLERS (CBS | 10/30/14):
Will Arnett and his band of dysfunctional family returns for another season of family hilarity. Mom (Margo Martindale) and father (Beau Bridges) are trying to find a life after “divorcing” after being married for over thirty years. What ensues is a family comedy where everyone is affected by their choices and their reactions to them.
WHY WATCH:Will Arnett has finally found a hit. It’s funny, it’s easy to watch and there is no lack of talent on this show. It’s an old fashion sitcom with a live audience, multiple sets and great fun for the whole family.
BAD JUDGE (NBC | 10/02/14):
Greys Anatomy and Private Practice Alum Kate Walsh returns to television as a judge that can handle her court room masterfully, but sucks at running her personal life. To add to the chaos, she has an on and off again boyfriend and she fosters a young man whose mother she put in jail.
WHY WATCH: Will Farrell produces this show. He knows funny. And Kate Walsh’s earlier career saw her as the love interest for Drew Carey on the Drew Carey Show. This should be a fun ride weekly and if anything, it’ll definitely be a showcase for Ms. Walsh’s talent.
BROOKLYN 9-9 (FOX | 9/28/14):
Adam Samberg, Andre Braugher and the gang return for another season of crazy mishaps in a local Brooklyn, New York precinct. What they lack in skills, they more than make up for in fun.
WHY WATCH: It’s just all around entertaining. Each week brings a zany twist on the procedural cop show, while making us care for the characters. It’s like a twinkie, it doesn’t require much effort, it isn’t necessarily good for you, but it’s just a great pleasure.
BOB’S BURGER (FOX | 10/5/14):
A wacky animated comedy about a family that owns a local, unsuccessful Burger joint.
WHY WATCH: It’s one of those cartoons that really makes no sense and makes sense all at the same time. The characters are so over-the-top that you have to watch weekly just to see what they will get into next. And hey it’s crazy to think that the original concept was about a family of cannibals. And there are still hints of it throughout the show.
I’d love to read your additions/ opinions so feel free to add them in the comments below! Also, please let me know if there are any shows I should be watching too! – V.A. Patrick Slade
I’m V.A. Partrick Slade and this is your Top Five weekly recap! Lets go!
5. Why not, we know they’ll make money…
V.A.: Hollywood is sequel happy and you’re not going to tell them that it won’t work. On average the sequel makes less money than the original, only because the concept and characters are known, and the audiences know what to expect. It’s like putting on an old pair of shoes, you always know they will be comfortable. Up on the docket are sequels to THE VACATION FRANCHISE (made famous by Chevy Chase in the 80s and 90s), I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, and THE BOURNE FRANCHISE. And we can’t forget the MARVEL movies that will roll out sequel after sequel to garner that billion dollar paycheck that will help finance more sequels to come. THERE’RE NO NEW IDEAS…WTF Hollywood. What movies are you looking forward to seeing?
Sheridan: I can’t lie, I’m a little excited to see Annabelle. Eeek!
4. Say it ain’t so Cliff Huxstable…
V.A.: A new bio that is dropping soon will shed light on the cheating and assault scandal of Bill Cosby. Apparently while on tour during the beginning of his career, up until even as late as the beloved COSBY show, Mr. Bill was letting his “Little Bill” get into trouble. He apparently had many of dalliances while in Vegas, and according to the bio Mr. Cosby has a love child. What does his wife say about these allegations? According to the yet to be published memoir, he and his wife had an understanding. Well I guess if the price is right and the bills are paid, you tend to forgive and forget.It was as recent as 2004 that charges were leveled and settled out of court about harassment. So this seems like it could be legitimate.Does this mean Cliff could have cheated on Claire? God I hope not.
Sheridan: If Cliff cheated, all hope in humanity is lost.
3. Who’s going to run this town tonight? Not Rihanna…
V.A.: Amidst the Ray Rice scandal and the legion of other domestic abuse claims coming out of the wood work in the NFL, the NFL chose not to use Rihanna and Jay-Z’s chart topper as the opener to Thursday Night Football. Their reasoning behind it was because they didn’t want her abuse scandal with Chris Brown and Ray Rice’s scandal to be confused with each other or glorified.To this Rhianna replied, “FUCK YOU!” She was not too impressed this dismissal of the NFL and its officials. Well, damn it, she burned that bridge. I hope she does mends it though because we need to have some great lip synching at the Super Bowl.
V.A.: In other Sports news Floyd Mayweather ordered 25 thousand dollars’ worth of food (chicken wings) and liquor at local Vegas hotel and stiffed the waitress. BTW all of the food and liquor were comped by the hotel. CHEAP ASS!!!!
Sheridan: Super douce, where’s 50 when you need him?!
2. To the left to the left…MATTHEW KNOWLES…
V.A.: Beyoncé’s daughter now has an uncle that she’s older than. How is this possible you ask? Her father is a man-slut. This is the second child that Matthew Knowles has fathered post break up with Beyoncé’s mom Tina Knowles. Apparently according to set-aside sources, the first child that he fathered out of wedlock was during his marriage. Now that he has two children, Beyoncé can have bigger Christmases and bigger holidays where Blue Ivy Tries to figure out how these boys are her uncles.
1. Welcome to 2014 APPLE vs. GALAXY war part 4? 5? ehh.
V.A.: Straight pandemonium and lines were the result of the launching of the iPhone 6. Giving the Samsung Galaxy line a run for their money, the iPhone 6 promises to have better photo quality, an “unbreakable” screen, and expensive as hell amenities that no one really needs. It has a larger screen and longer battery life.It seems like they come up with the newest and greatest, so what’s the point of buying it currently? In my opinion, I would rather have food on my table, a roof over my head and having a better quality of life than to have the newest and flashiest phone on the market. Keeping up with technology is in my opinion a waste of time and money because the newest and greatest device will be out as soon as you buy the one you’re currently buying.
Sheridan: Plus who’s to say it doesn’t get recalled? Who has actually compared and contrasted the two? With all the commercials Iv’e seen shooting each other down (Apple and Samsung) there will never be a truce, it’s just not something I’m going to run to do. In the meantime hit me on my 5s, lol.
First Ray Rice is released from the NFL after the brutal punching of his wife’s elevator video was released, now comes word that Viking star Adrian Peterson has been indicted on charges of child endangerment for spanking his child with a switch…which is my opinion, we all got our asses beat with one. But I digress. And let’s take this sports issue across the POND to South Africa where Oscar Pestorias has been found NOT GUILTY of killing kill model girlfriend, but still awaits sentencing for his Guilty culpable Homicide verdict, which essentially means manslaughter over here in the states. All and all, be on alert boys of the major leagues and women. Just play your sport and go home. Go home I tell you. There’s TMZ following you too… On the other side of the spectrum, Serena Williams clinched her third US OPEN title, making it her 18 title in hand. Werk GIRL!
4.He’s gone to the great Hen House in The Sky…
Founder and CEO of Chik-fil-A has died. Truett Cathy was 93 years of age. He leaves behind a legacy of great chicken sandwiches, waffle fries, Polynesian sauce and being closed on Sunday. The wholesome restaurant was recently embattled in controversy a few years back with their avid support of ant-gay causes.Regardless of their stance and religious affiliation, that is one damn good chicken sandwich and thanks Mr. Cathy for not only starting a successful Southern Businessa, but also opening it up to the rest of the world.
3. A right is a right, even if it’s Porn…
Those of my naughtier readers out there (myself included) noticed this week that their porn and “other” sites were running slower. Trust me I checked my bandwidth usage, modem and even reinstalled my browser, but what I didn’t realize is that many sites were participating in a protest against loss of net nuertrality, which in essence if the“ FCC allows cable giants like AT&T, Comcast and Verizon to create a two-tiered internet. With that would come “slow lanes” for most internet companies and “fast lanes” for corporations that are willing to pay extra for faster service. Which means that if it’s corporate based the company can have a faster speed and the personal pages, our favorite blogs (like this one) or even our porn pages will be relegated to the slow lane. Let’s hope this doesn’t happen. I need my fast porn…blogs.
2. ISIS Oh ISIS why must you taunt us so.
President Obama has given the go-ahead for air strikes against Libya and the ISIS group that is controlling the region.Obama has been criticized for such a step, but in a region that is being overrun, the President feels like this is the only solution. I say war is not the answer, but if it will save innocent people, by all means do what you must. Let’s just hope that this is quick and fast and that justice, civility and human kindness will prevail. Let’s pray this is over before it starts.
1. 13 years, the memories still remain…
I was in my Journalism class in the Communications Trailer on my college campus of Georgia Southern University. When we turned on the television the second plane was hitting. We were shocked, mouths opened and quiet confused as to what was going on. As we later found out it was a Terrorist Attack and thousands were killed. Where were you when 9/11 hit? Never forget the fallen angels of New York City.